One of the challenges I give myself spiritually, and as a wife and mother, is to choose the way I live my life as intentionally as I can. It's easy to go through your days like a robot. Or to follow the ways of the world and immerse yourself into what culture, community, or media dictates as "normal" or "ok." I like to be different. Go against the grain. Challenge myself to be better. To have a reason for everything I do and to be sure that my reasons are in line with what my beliefs are. I don't often give myself a head check to see how I'm doing with my intentions, though.
I'm a perfectionist. I hate that about myself. I crave order, demand it, actually. And it can be crippling sometimes. I haven't figured out why I am like this or why it's so hard for me to compromise. I have some ideas, but I won't get into that. That could be a whole other conversation. But the craving, and exhausting clamor, for perfect, order, glitch free, or whatever it is I'm trying to accomplish is getting in the way of me following through on my intentions.
When I decide to tackle an area of my life, whether it's exercise, healthy eating and cooking, home care, spirituality, serving my spouse or children, cleaning, jumping back into my career, whatever...I do it with amazing force and power. I knock it out of the park...for a little while...until I, predictably, get burned out and somewhat frustrated that everything else in that list has been completely ignored and left behind. And I end up with an amazing amount of catching up to do in those other areas in my life that I am responsible for. And even though I am doing beyond great in one category of life, I end up feeling a little bit like a failure because everything else was left in the dust. It's a ridiculous cycle I go through over and over that needs to be balanced. Please tell me that I am not the only person who does this?!!
Yesterday, my husband called me on his way home from work after getting a text from one of our kids asking him to pick something up on his way because we couldn't figure out what to make. The afternoon had gotten away from me and nothing was prepared. He started the conversation by saying, "So I guess this isn't one of those days where I come home to an awesome dinner waiting for me on the table?" Although it was totally lighthearted with no negative intentions, the guilt that welled up inside of me was pretty intense. He was totally right, although he didn't know it. That act of service...having an amazing home cooked meal on the table when he gets home...is one of my intentions. It may sound old fashioned, but the results that come from it relationally within our family, and our marriage, are very sweet. That statement from my husband let me know that action on that intention is important to him as well, for whatever reason it is for him. Being an attentive wife and mother is so important. I know this. It's one of my most important jobs that God has bestowed upon me. Getting caught up in other things, our unusual and unpredictable summer schedule, trying to find some semblance of a routine, and spending too much time thinking about how I can be a better person, and planning my perfection, has caused a lacking in my attentiveness.
Today I am thankful for my husband and his witty remark about a lack of dinner on the table last night. It unintentionally reopened my eyes to that list of intentions that I have and desire so greatly to balance throughout my life so I can be a blessing to those around me, and, be a reflection of God to others who watch me. Thanks for the "head check" my love, you make me a better person!
Showing posts with label moving forward. Show all posts
Showing posts with label moving forward. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
A Happy Anniversary...
I was just thinking about my life a second ago, and I realized we've hit an anniversary. One year ago, we packed up our family and moved to a new state for a new job opportunity for my husband. When we left, we kept telling our apprehensive children "It's going to be a great adventure!" I think I was trying to convince myself of the same thing. The whole move was pretty sudden and I really didn't have much time to think about it until we had already arrived!
I've grown and learned a ton this year. And even though I was afraid to leave everything familiar behind and start all over again, I realize now, it was THE. BEST. DECISION. I have ever made. The transformations that have happened in this family are overwhelming, profound, and far beyond any expectations I ever had for us.
One of the biggest changes is within the relationships of our immediate family. When you only have each other to rely on, you learn quickly how to do just that. Our five children are much more close and attached to each other now than they ever have been. They are much more sensitive to each others needs and much more aware and feel empty when someone is away...even for an afternoon.
Our marriage has grown and matured even more than the children. With the new job came a whole new set of circumstances. My husband is busier and gone a lot more as he starts up a new company here. He comes home tired, excited, frustrated, starving, and any other feeling you might be able to come up with. Suddenly, I was thrust into a whole new batch of roles that somehow I had overlooked previously. And without the camaraderie of familiar coworkers and employees, I became a new sounding board for him, which I LOVE. Just listening to him talk about his day, how he handles situations and watching him grow professionally with lightning speed has ignited a whole new spark in me for him. I never realized just how wise my husband is. He's brilliant, seriously. He has amazing perspective and incredible creativity. He thinks so out of the box, it sounds crazy, but somehow, it's exactly the thought that was needed to propel him and his company forward. And since I have been given a greater view into the window of his work world, it has caused me to listen more deeply and intently to his perspective and out of the box ideas for us here at home. Yielding to him and his decisions more and more has netted a wonderful sense of calm in me. Let's face it, if you know me at all, you know I'm a control freak...so this has been a huge gift to me!
Allowing my husband to lead us into a new world was really difficult but has been so incredibly rewarding. So much has been gained emotionally, professionally, spiritually, relationally, even physically! I'm braver, more respectful, a better mother, a better wife, our family is healthier, more active, and we're much more in love with God and with each other. What more can you ask for?
It was hard to leave the one city I have basically lived in my entire life (with the exception of a few random detours), and to leave our family and the ones we depended on (a little too much maybe?) to keep our household running. It was hard to leave our friends behind. And our church. But we have found all of that here, plus so much more. So thank you, my love, for encouraging us to grow at lightening speed as well. I am so honored and blessed to be married to you! I am really looking forward to what this next year brings for you, and the rest of us!!
I've grown and learned a ton this year. And even though I was afraid to leave everything familiar behind and start all over again, I realize now, it was THE. BEST. DECISION. I have ever made. The transformations that have happened in this family are overwhelming, profound, and far beyond any expectations I ever had for us.
One of the biggest changes is within the relationships of our immediate family. When you only have each other to rely on, you learn quickly how to do just that. Our five children are much more close and attached to each other now than they ever have been. They are much more sensitive to each others needs and much more aware and feel empty when someone is away...even for an afternoon.
Our marriage has grown and matured even more than the children. With the new job came a whole new set of circumstances. My husband is busier and gone a lot more as he starts up a new company here. He comes home tired, excited, frustrated, starving, and any other feeling you might be able to come up with. Suddenly, I was thrust into a whole new batch of roles that somehow I had overlooked previously. And without the camaraderie of familiar coworkers and employees, I became a new sounding board for him, which I LOVE. Just listening to him talk about his day, how he handles situations and watching him grow professionally with lightning speed has ignited a whole new spark in me for him. I never realized just how wise my husband is. He's brilliant, seriously. He has amazing perspective and incredible creativity. He thinks so out of the box, it sounds crazy, but somehow, it's exactly the thought that was needed to propel him and his company forward. And since I have been given a greater view into the window of his work world, it has caused me to listen more deeply and intently to his perspective and out of the box ideas for us here at home. Yielding to him and his decisions more and more has netted a wonderful sense of calm in me. Let's face it, if you know me at all, you know I'm a control freak...so this has been a huge gift to me!
Allowing my husband to lead us into a new world was really difficult but has been so incredibly rewarding. So much has been gained emotionally, professionally, spiritually, relationally, even physically! I'm braver, more respectful, a better mother, a better wife, our family is healthier, more active, and we're much more in love with God and with each other. What more can you ask for?
It was hard to leave the one city I have basically lived in my entire life (with the exception of a few random detours), and to leave our family and the ones we depended on (a little too much maybe?) to keep our household running. It was hard to leave our friends behind. And our church. But we have found all of that here, plus so much more. So thank you, my love, for encouraging us to grow at lightening speed as well. I am so honored and blessed to be married to you! I am really looking forward to what this next year brings for you, and the rest of us!!
Checking out the Minneapolis Sculpture Garden one year ago...
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Slowing Down and Time For Me...
Back in September I wrote about how my absence from this blog is pretty reflective of my absence from all things I love lately! This is still the case! I have been very busy and I am ready to slow down, rest, relax, and dig back in as my family settles into winter. Time to refocus, restructure, and renew!
I have fallen tremendously behind in the world of all things health, balance, and wellness. But I am missing it terribly and putting it back into the forefront of my days. My three week lecture series on staying healthy, balanced, and stress-free during the holiday season at the end of October was a success. I had A LOT of fun presenting this and learned that it is definitely something I want to do more of! I am getting organized to take on more clients after the new year, looking for a new office space, and will be launching a new website hopefully soon.
I seriously enjoyed the many weeks of our farm share vegetables and am very sad that it is over. I loved receiving fresh, organic produce right out of the ground week to week. The only problem is that I loved it so much we have nothing frozen for the winter because we ate it all, and now, I am seriously craving all that goodness!! I do have an abundance of blueberries stored for the winter, so we will be enjoying lots of blueberry baked goods this winter...mmm...
As I think about how I want to go about refocusing my time back on the things I love, I quickly become overwhelmed by the process of getting "caught" up. When this happens to me, I tend to freeze up and do nothing because I don't know where to start. It's all important to me and I have a hard time prioritizing!
This month, I have eliminated a few things from my schedule that weigh me down emotionally, organizationally, and sometimes physically. While I didn't feel a rush of relief, I do feel some closure, which has helped. We are settling nicely into our new home and little by little the boxes are getting emptied and organized. I did not renew the lease on my office space downtown, even though I don't have a new one to move into yet, and I finally got everything moved out and back here with me at home. I am no longer toggling between home and downtown which is a time saver. My focus has shifted to putting family first right now, which feels right, but I also have put myself into that category. I have been more insistent on time for myself. And even though my family may not like it at the time, it does help me be a better mom and wife in the long run.
I have found that when I eliminate things that hold me back, weigh me down, or drain my time and energy everything else opens up because it has space to breathe! Just by eliminating a few things from my life, even if something is only for a day, I feel a new sense of focus, balance and clarity and can move forward with other more important projects and responsibilities, including rest.
As Christmas quickly approaches and the New Year right around the corner, I am thinking very hard about what I want to accomplish in the next year. I am setting goals and making a plan so that falling far behind does not happen again and feeling organized and accomplished is a daily reward. I have accepted where I am for now and continue each day to catch up little by little, knowing that every little effort makes a dent and I AM moving forward, even if at a snail's pace for now in this time of rest.
I have fallen tremendously behind in the world of all things health, balance, and wellness. But I am missing it terribly and putting it back into the forefront of my days. My three week lecture series on staying healthy, balanced, and stress-free during the holiday season at the end of October was a success. I had A LOT of fun presenting this and learned that it is definitely something I want to do more of! I am getting organized to take on more clients after the new year, looking for a new office space, and will be launching a new website hopefully soon.
I seriously enjoyed the many weeks of our farm share vegetables and am very sad that it is over. I loved receiving fresh, organic produce right out of the ground week to week. The only problem is that I loved it so much we have nothing frozen for the winter because we ate it all, and now, I am seriously craving all that goodness!! I do have an abundance of blueberries stored for the winter, so we will be enjoying lots of blueberry baked goods this winter...mmm...
As I think about how I want to go about refocusing my time back on the things I love, I quickly become overwhelmed by the process of getting "caught" up. When this happens to me, I tend to freeze up and do nothing because I don't know where to start. It's all important to me and I have a hard time prioritizing!
This month, I have eliminated a few things from my schedule that weigh me down emotionally, organizationally, and sometimes physically. While I didn't feel a rush of relief, I do feel some closure, which has helped. We are settling nicely into our new home and little by little the boxes are getting emptied and organized. I did not renew the lease on my office space downtown, even though I don't have a new one to move into yet, and I finally got everything moved out and back here with me at home. I am no longer toggling between home and downtown which is a time saver. My focus has shifted to putting family first right now, which feels right, but I also have put myself into that category. I have been more insistent on time for myself. And even though my family may not like it at the time, it does help me be a better mom and wife in the long run.
I have found that when I eliminate things that hold me back, weigh me down, or drain my time and energy everything else opens up because it has space to breathe! Just by eliminating a few things from my life, even if something is only for a day, I feel a new sense of focus, balance and clarity and can move forward with other more important projects and responsibilities, including rest.
As Christmas quickly approaches and the New Year right around the corner, I am thinking very hard about what I want to accomplish in the next year. I am setting goals and making a plan so that falling far behind does not happen again and feeling organized and accomplished is a daily reward. I have accepted where I am for now and continue each day to catch up little by little, knowing that every little effort makes a dent and I AM moving forward, even if at a snail's pace for now in this time of rest.
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