Intentional Living...

One of the challenges I give myself spiritually, and as a wife and mother, is to choose the way I live my life as intentionally as I can.  It's easy to go through your days like a robot.  Or to follow the ways of the world and immerse yourself into what culture, community, or media dictates as "normal" or "ok."  I like to be different. Go against the grain. Challenge myself to be better. To have a reason for everything I do and to be sure that my reasons are in line with what my beliefs are.  I don't often give myself a head check to see how I'm doing with my intentions, though.

I'm a perfectionist.  I hate that about myself.  I crave order, demand it, actually.  And it can be crippling sometimes.  I haven't figured out why I am like this or why it's so hard for me to compromise.  I have some ideas, but I won't get into that.  That could be a whole other conversation.  But the craving, and exhausting clamor,  for perfect, order, glitch free, or whatever it is I'm trying to accomplish is getting in the way of me following through on my intentions.

When I decide to tackle an area of my life, whether it's exercise, healthy eating and cooking, home care, spirituality, serving my spouse or children, cleaning, jumping back into my career, whatever...I do it with amazing force and power.  I knock it out of the park...for a little while...until I, predictably, get burned out and somewhat frustrated that everything else in that list has been completely ignored and left behind.  And I end up with an amazing amount of catching up to do in those other areas in my life that I am responsible for.  And even though I am doing beyond great in one category of life, I end up feeling a little bit like a failure because everything else was left in the dust.  It's a ridiculous cycle I go through over and over that needs to be balanced.  Please tell me that I am not the only person who does this?!!

Yesterday, my husband called me on his way home from work after getting a text from one of our kids asking him to pick something up on his way because we couldn't figure out what to make.  The afternoon had gotten away from me and nothing was prepared.  He started the conversation by saying, "So I guess this isn't one of those days where I come home to an awesome dinner waiting for me on the table?"  Although it was totally lighthearted with no negative intentions, the guilt that welled up inside of me was pretty intense.  He was totally right, although he didn't know it.  That act of service...having an amazing home cooked meal on the table when he gets home...is one of my intentions.  It may sound old fashioned, but the results that come from it relationally within our family, and our marriage, are very sweet.  That statement from my husband let me know that action on that intention is important to him as well, for whatever reason it is for him.  Being an attentive wife and mother is so important.  I know this.  It's one of my most important jobs that God has bestowed upon me.  Getting caught up in other things, our unusual and unpredictable summer schedule, trying to find some semblance of a routine, and spending too much time thinking about how I can be a better person, and planning my perfection, has caused a lacking in my attentiveness. 

Today I am thankful for my husband and his witty remark about a lack of dinner on the table last night.  It unintentionally reopened my eyes to that list of intentions that I have and desire so greatly to balance throughout my life so I can be a blessing to those around me, and, be a reflection of God to others who watch me.  Thanks for the "head check" my love, you make me a better person!

The Power of Acceptance...

So after about 6-weeks off because of family issues and scheduling conflicts in my life, I was gearing up to get back into the gym with my trainer this morning (which was rescheduled from Monday because of a nasty head cold). However, due to yet, another set of circumstances, I was not able to go. Sometimes it feels like I can never win. Some things are going great in life. My health counseling practice is sprinting forward with great success, my marriage is fabulous, the Christmas chaos has disappeared...but it seems that when it comes to desires I have that are close to my heart, the goals I have for ME...they too often get de-railed, side-tracked, or stopped in their tracks. This often leaves me feeling like the world is scheming and working against me!

These feelings remind me of a post I wrote back in September about dealing with disappointment. When sitting down to write about something else this morning, I decided it might be good to re-post that one instead. Sometimes it's good to remember that life will always have bumps, challenges, and road blocks. The important thing is that we continue to move forward and work at accomplishing goals...even if at a slower pace than we want. The key is to accept your circumstances as they are, stay positive, and keep moving forward when you can.

Continue reading my previous post on acceptance below...

ACCEPTANCE...

I've recently begun working out with my trainer again. It has been a many, many months since exercise has been a regular part of my life. Today was one of those days where it seemed like I just couldn't catch my breath and get into my groove, which initially was a little frustrating because I felt like what I was doing was not really a knock out, drag down workout...which is one of the things I really appreciate about this guy, he doesn't train like that...at least not so far! But as I was leaving, he mentioned I could try and get some more cardio in on the elliptical or I could accept where I am physically right now and call it a day...which I did.

As I was leaving I was thinking about that statement, "accept where you are..." and how important it is for us to do that...to accept who we are, and where we are, NOW. When you decide to accept yourself the way you are, you allow yourself the freedom to change. When you criticize, talk negatively, or fight with yourself, you remain stuck and prevent change from happening.

I once read in an article that acceptance means honoring and loving yourself just the way you are. Maybe you feel confused and think that accepting yourself means you don’t want to change. You may think, “I don’t want to accept myself – that‘s why I want to lose this weight (or whatever it is you want to change)!” But it’s just the opposite. Making peace with where you are is the launching pad that gets you to where you want to go.

Whatever you focus your attention on grows. So when you talk negatively to or about yourself, your negativity grows. This results in self-punishing behaviors and you stay stuck. But when your attention is on where you want to go, and you accept yourself the way you are, your behaviors lovingly reflect the new life you’re creating and you move forward.

You know you want to make changes in your life. Great! Make peace with where you are and you will reach your goal more quickly. Where you are today is totally irrelevant. Your current situation carries no power over you unless you offer it negative attention. Accept where you are and remain focused on where you’re headed. You then become free to change, and change will happen.

This isn't an easy task. I know this from experience! It is hard to be positive when you aren't satisfied with yourself or your surroundings. But one thing I have learned is that when you do make a shift in attitude and focus, and are accepting of the situation at hand, suddenly the pressure is off and the success comes naturally...as if to just fall into place. Today I accepted that I couldn't do all that I wanted to. But I know that that's OK because I am still just fine right where I am, and if I continue to work, I will gain the strength and endurance I need to complete that work out next time. And the positive thing is...at least I went to work out, right??

Setting and Reaching Goals...

We all set out to accomplish goals. But we don't always achieve them. Why is that? I have often wondered why it is that when I set a goal for myself, I sometimes waver away from achieving that goal. It's not that I've decided not to do it, because 99.9% of the time, I often still want to achieve what I had set out to do.

What are some strategies for setting and achieving goals? First, let's define what a goal is. A goal is a "want". Goals and dreams are often confused. The difference between a goal and a dream is the goal is more specific. However, you can use your dreams when setting your goals. Look back at your dreams and start a specific list of what you want from that dream. Be very clear about what you want and mean when you express it. Remember, goals are things you want. They are never things you don't want. Here's an example...

Right: I want to stay at my current weight. Wrong: I don't want to gain weight.

Right: I want to remain out of debt. Wrong: I don't want to use credit cards.

Can you see the difference? When setting goals it is a good idea to write that goal down on a piece of paper. Studies have shown that when a goal is written, you are 75% more likely to achieve it. This is because you have already invested time by writing it down. Also, be specific when writing down your goals. If you want to lose weight, don't just say "I want to lose weight". Here's another example...

Wrong: I want to lose weight. Right: I want to lose 15 pounds.

Now remember, specifics are important! When setting a goal, use a time frame to achieve that goal by, and write that down as well! Example...

Right: I want to lose 15 pounds in the next 8 weeks. Wrong: I want to lose 15 pounds soon.

After you have a specific goal in mind, put together a specific plan of action for reaching that goal. For instance, how will you go about losing 15 pounds? Will you exercise every day? For how long? What type of exercise? Where will you exercise? At what time? Do you get the idea of why it is so important to be specific? If you leave out the details you set yourself up to fail because you lose sight of what needs to be done!

Are you getting the hang of this yet? Setting goals is a good way to get what you want. When you follow those simple steps, achieving your goal will be much easier. However, I know firsthand that it can still be hard to achieve goals, even when you are specific. At that point, I need some inspiration and motivation. What motivates you? For me, when I see someone who has achieved what I want, that is inspiring. I want to find out how they did it! Surround yourself with the support of people who have done what you want and ask them how they did it. Ask them to support you in your efforts to reach your goal, as well. When you hit a bump in the road, don't give up! Ask for advice on how they may have handled that same bump.

Goals are a wonderful thing to have to motivate us and keep us moving in the direction we want to be going. I have found that the more simple and specific they are, the more successful I am at achieving them. But also in addition to the specifics, I arm myself with support, whether it is someone who wants the same goal, has reached that goal, or can assist me in the process. Support is key! Take a good look at the goals you are setting aside and not working towards. Look for something that inspires you and re-ignites the desire to achieve them. Then sit down and re-write the goal with the specifics of what you want and how you will go about getting it. Success will occur if a good plan is in place! Now go get to work!